The holidays are meant to be a time of family, food, and gratitude. But if someone you love is in recovery from alcohol use disorder or another substance use disorder, you may feel unsure about what to say or how to act. You might worry about accidentally triggering old habits or offending them. Maybe you are anxious about bringing up their recovery or even whether to acknowledge it at all. These thoughts are normal, but they can make Thanksgiving feel tense or stressful instead of joyful.
This blog will help you navigate those conversations. We will explore common things people say that can unintentionally hurt or discourage someone in recovery and provide practical alternatives that are supportive, respectful, and natural.
Knowing what to say and what not to say can make your Thanksgiving gathering more comfortable and meaningful for everyone. By the end, you will have clear, actionable ways to speak with your loved ones in a way that honors their recovery journey while keeping your holiday warm and positive.
What Not to Say: “Just Have One Drink”
During Thanksgiving, it is natural to offer drinks to everyone at the table. You might think it is harmless to say, “Just have one glass of wine” or “One beer will not hurt.” Offering a drink may feel like a simple, friendly gesture, but for someone in recovery, this can be a serious trigger.
Encouraging even one drink can be risky. For someone in recovery, drinking alcohol is not simply a choice. It can lead to temptation and potentially relapse. What seems casual to you may create significant stress for them. Even a light-hearted suggestion can make them feel pressured, guilty, or anxious. Recovery is not just about abstaining temporarily but developing a lifestyle free from dependence on alcohol or substances. A seemingly minor comment like this can undermine that hard work and the progress they have made over months or years.
Instead of offering a drink, redirect the gesture in a safe and inclusive way. Ask, “Do you want something to eat?” or offer water, juice, or a soda. This keeps them part of the celebration without creating temptation. It shows care and thoughtfulness while respecting their commitment to sobriety. Being mindful allows them to enjoy the holiday without stress or pressure.
What Not to Say: “Remember When We Got Wasted?”
Thanksgiving is full of stories and shared memories, and it is normal to reminisce about old times. Sometimes people joke about past drinking nights, saying things like, “Remember when we got wasted?” This may seem harmless, even funny, but it can bring up shame, guilt, or regret for someone in recovery.
Talking about past drinking experiences shifts the focus from their accomplishments and current life back to moments that could have been harmful. For someone who has worked hard on their recovery journey, hearing this can feel like a judgment or reminder of a difficult past. Even casual jokes can make them uncomfortable or create tension. The goal is to foster connection, not trigger negative emotions. Reflecting on old drinking stories can make them feel isolated or self-conscious, taking attention away from their resilience and progress.
Instead, focus on the present and future. Saying, “I am proud of your progress” or “I admire how far you have come” highlights their achievements. This type of acknowledgment validates their hard work, celebrates their commitment, and keeps the conversation positive. By redirecting attention from the past to their accomplishments, you create a supportive environment where they can enjoy the holiday confidently and safely.
What Not to Say: “I Could Never Quit Drinking”
When your loved one mentions they are not drinking this holiday, you might want to express admiration. Often, people say, “I could never quit drinking” to compliment their willpower. While meant as praise, this statement can have unintended negative effects.
Comparing yourself to someone in recovery can make them feel different or create subtle pressure. Even if your intention is to highlight their strength, it can make them question themselves or feel isolated. Substance use disorder is a real challenge, and hearing such comparisons may make them feel judged or misunderstood. It can unintentionally minimize the effort it takes to stay sober or make them feel their daily dedication is extraordinary in a way that sets them apart from the group.
Instead, keep the focus on them without comparison. A simple response like, “That is great” or “I admire you for that” acknowledges their choice positively and naturally. It reinforces their recovery journey and allows them to feel supported without judgment or pressure. By emphasizing respect and admiration rather than comparison, you communicate encouragement, understanding, and care in a way that strengthens your relationship and lets them enjoy the holiday fully.
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Supporting someone in recovery during Thanksgiving requires thoughtfulness, awareness, and understanding. Avoid casual statements or comparisons that can trigger guilt, shame, or temptation. Focus on affirming language that respects their choices, highlights their progress, and fosters connection. The right words can make a meaningful difference in helping your loved one feel safe, understood, and celebrated.
If you or a loved one are struggling with alcohol addiction or substance use disorder, Mountain Vista Farm offers professional help. Since 1949, Mountain Vista Farm has provided residential and outpatient programs for adults 18 and over in Sonoma County. As a licensed and certified rehabilitation facility, Mountain Vista Farm is dedicated to guiding you or your loved one toward lasting recovery.
